Dr. Makowiecki – what you always wanted to know, but were afraid to ask! Second issue.

Dr. Makowiecki, the self-proclaimed doctor of human and ladybug sexual behaviour and doctor honoris causa of alcohol and drug counseling (MLCD, Miami) signed an exclusive contract with The AEGEEan Magazine and will offer his extensive knowledge and experience to help our readers with their existential problems and questions. This is your unique opportunity to ask what you always wanted to know, but were afraid to ask!

Dr. Makowiecki is looking forward to answering your questions, please send them to aegeean@aegee.org with “Dr. Makowiecki” in the title.

Here are the intriguing questions and answers from the second edition:

Marta: In summer time, the weather is getting warmer and people tend to spend their evenings outdoors barbecuing, meeting with friends for a drink, partying etc. Unfortunately the insects get more active as well and start bothering those poor people. I have in mind especially those cruel little creatures called mosquitoes.
Recently, when I was spending one of those wonderfully warm evenings with my friends at some outdoor party, a question came to my mind and keeps bothering me so I decided to ask for your expert advice: What kind of influence on the mosquito has the alcohol consumed with the blood of a drunk person?

Dear Marta, thank you very much for that interesting question. Many people have asked me this before, so it is high time to make the answer public, as it is very simple. Consuming blood with a certain level of alcohol is for Mosquitos equally challenging as it is a pleasure, which is not that different from the effect on human beings. Centuries of contaminated blood consumption have made these little insects notorious alcoholics, which is clearly noticeable if you have a closer look at their chaotic flight and the funny, yet annoying sounds they are making. To conclude, these insects are chasing after people’s blood with the strong hope of satisfying their need for some quality alcohol. Unfortunately not every single human being has some of it in his/her blood, which drives them crazy and makes them more desperate. I hope that now you will actually feel more sympathy towards these poor flying alcoholics.

Thea: How do I get over the “post-event depression”?

Dear Thea, that is indeed a question that concerns a lot of people. In order to find a solution for it, you need to first ask yourself for the actual cause of your depression. Easily you will come to the conclusion that it is actually “a lack of being part of an event”. Therefore the solution should be close: make every day an event. Start the day with an annoying wake-up call, use a public bathroom/shower, spend the day running around from one place to another periodically shouting out “AEGEE people” loudly, eat some quick and cheap food on the way, end the day with plenty of drinks, sleep on the floor and wake up after 3 hours. Your post-event depression will be over!

Zsofia: Do my food preferences like melons or scrambled eggs with sausages for breakfast say something about my personality?

Dear Zsofia, I always appreciate personality-profile related questions. In your case it is simple: you suffer from the “I-wanna-be-British syndrome”.

Anita: Dear Doctor, who was first – the chicken or the egg?

Dear Anita, questions related to evolution are one of the most exciting ones! I am often wondering why many people are still looking for an answer, as the egg was obviously existing earlier than any chicken could even think about eggs. A long time before the birds, many other animals have been producing eggs, just to mention fish and reptiles. Going back even further, also worms and insects are producing eggs, just in slightly smaller size and slightly bigger quantities. Just imagine how easily we could eradicate world hunger, if we preferred insect to chicken eggs, they produce trillions of them! Eggs have been developed at such an early stage of evolution, as they are compact and therefore easy to bring through the birth channel. Unfortunately at some point in evolution this comfort had to come to an end and now human beings have to suffer while pushing this round-squared offspring through the narrow birth channel. It is no surprise then that so many people spend significant amounts of time thinking about the origins of the egg.

Kata: It was a hot summer night in Sicily. It was carnival, he was a frog, I was a fairy. Who was the guy, Dr. Makowiecki, could you help me find out?

Dear Kata, thank you very much for that unusual question. Reading this may seem strange to many of our readers, but I am also confident this situation is not that unusual for quite some people, especially those living in rural environments. Many girls suffer from the “kiss-a-frog” disorder believing that frogs are actually very good looking and aristocratic lovers. This belief is probably caused by a pathological fairy tale that is often told to young children. These girls then, in their desperate attempt to find the so-called “prince charming” are actually redirecting their efforts towards rather easy targets that express some of common young boys’ behaviour: jumping away when a desperate girl is chasing them. Often this ends in sexually assaulting them, which falls under the “animal cruelty” category. In order to then psychologically justify your own behaviour, you have taken a fake personality of a fairy. My advice is to forget this frog, as the chances of you two getting married are small due to the lack of a law which legalises such relationships and to direct your attempts towards male human beings.

Inez: Dear Dr. Makowiecki, What should we do if during a workshop one participant is starting snorring, clearly because of the hangover from last night?

Dear Inez, I always like to answer questions for which answers can be found in old literature. I have looked through my books and I’ve found an old traditional song that was already dealing with exactly that problem. Please allow me to quote one of the solutions: “Shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, early in the morning!”

Balint: How does one organise a barbecue party on a crowded bus heading from Helsinki to Tallinn?

Dear Balint, thank you for that question as it is related to traveling and food, two things one can remarkably enjoy together or with friends. In this particular case the activity is supposed to involve several people, as this is usually known as the definition of “party”. In order to implement your project, several steps are required. Please follow them carefully!
1. Stand up and shout “Partyyyyy!” with as much enthusiasm as you can. This is a common method to make your peers get enthusiastic and induce some silly behaviour instantly.
2. Start pointing at some of the other passengers with your finger and ask about their well-being with while swinging your arms.
3. Start complaining loudly about the increasing heat in the vehicle and try to convince the driver to open some of the windows.
4. Check the gender of the other passengers. Males are more likely to carry some meat with them. A bus full of male passengers will thus result in a so-called “sausage party”.
5. By now your bus-colleagues should be in the appropriate mood to actually start the BBQ. If not, please repeat steps 1-3 until success.
6. You can now get the grill running and prepare the meat. Congratulations, you have just achieved your aim.
7. You have wisely chosen the route of your bus. Seeing a bus with smoke coming out of the windows, other road users will simply assume that the bus has an integrated sauna.

Written by Michael Makowiecki, AEGEE-Hamburg